Oil super-tankers, luxury liners, cruise ships; it simply wasn't enough for Somali pirates who have taken their brand of high seas larceny from the Gulf of Aden to Azeroth's own Booty Bay.
The move from real world to virtual one was not easy. If not for the likes of Baron Longshore, a digital character in Blizzard Entertainment's World of Warcraft computer game it simply would not have been possible. Longshore and his cronies, the Southsea Freebooters have been a thorn in the side of World of Warcraft (WoW) players for over four years.
"I think the Baron is a cylon," said Cornelius Peevers, a long time WoW player. "He was created by man. He rebelled. He evolved. There are many copies and he has a plan. It's scary. I mean, what if a cylon is alive inside of World of Warcraft? He could lead those Somali pirates and really mess players up, but then again, maybe there would be some hot cylon chicks so it's not all bad. Have at it I say."
Yarr! I'll grab me some booty!
Though many thought it impossible, Longshore seems to have found a way to allow the Somali warlords to enter the virtual world. The previously annoying trip by boat between Ratchet and Booty Bay has been turned into a virtual nightmare for many players who are having not only their gear, but their gold stolen as they attempt to make the short trip.
"You would think that they (Blizzard) would change the route that the boat takes, but no, same route every time," said one player who wished to remain anonymous. "It ridiculous. My only fun in the game was taking my level 80 character to Crossroads where I would kill level 15 Horde players. Now I can't do that. I want my money back. These pirates have ruined the way that the game should be played."
Blizzard refused to comment officially on the problem, but two employees agreed to chat if we agreed to disguise their names.
Ten Ton Turnip: The answer seems simple. You control the game servers. Can't you just delete the pirates?
Keff Japlan (Blizzard): We tried that. Nothing we do erases them permanently. They're multiplying faster than Oprah indorsed products at a feminism convention.
Com Thilton (Blizzard): We can't even remove Baron Longshore, but that didn't surprise us. We had known for some time that he had become sentient. I mean, what other character can exist in multiple places in Azeroth at once? The cylon theory holds some weight.
Ten Ton Turnip: You can't be serious. Is this just some marketing ploy to play upon current events and popular culture? Somali pirates and cylons working together is a bit far-fetched wouldn't you say?
Keff Japlan (Blizzard): No more far-fetched than millions of people paying to pretend that they are half-human / half-cow is it? Mooooo.
Com Thilton (Blizzard): I love it when he does that mooo thing.
Other companies have reluctantly come to Blizzard's aid fearing that their game would be the next target. Sony Online Entertainment sent naval warships from each of their game servers to Booty Bay days ago. Both vessels are due to arrive in time for the 2009 holiday season. A battleship from The Matrix Online was forced to remain at home due to lack of crew. Players sank the Star Wars Galaxies Carrier, the NGE in its homeport before it could depart.
Funcom, developers of Age of Conan in cooperation with Mythic Entertainment, the developers of Warhammer Online have promised to bring a jointly developed war vessel named "Get to da Choppa" into the fray. At this point there are no known incursions of pirates into either of these titles though there are concerns that Mythics CEO, Mark Jacobs is himself a cylon.
U.S. Navy efforts to create a virtual safe-zone within Booty Bay have been hampered by Green Peace vessels created by Second Life users. These hulking, fur covered, p*nis shaped vessels named Moby D*ck I and Moby D*ck II have impeded Navy vessels as they attempted to thwart the pirate incursion. PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have setup protests on the Ratchet and Booty Bay docks to voice their disapproval of the use of the name Moby D*ck by Green Peace. Their chants of "We're the dicks!" can be heard across the entire coastline.
Ten Ton Turnip will provide more breaking news on this story as it develops.
Vindicator
Joined: Oct 22, 2005
Messages: 8296
Location: Ye Olde Hole Ine The Tree
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Yarr, hoist that plank, ye scurvy squirrels! Manhandle that mast, move the anchor from the staboard side to the port side! Someone gimme a sammich, arr, I be a-hungerin' for some broiled cheese on toast.
