Another night...

Soluma

Another night,
Another cold, sleepless, hungry, lonely night,
I wonder where you are,
And if your night is like mine

-+-

Hey, all...

Feeling a bit pensive tonight, all by my lonesome, everyone asleep... nothing but a computer monitor to light up the deck, and nothing but too many hours' worth of work left to keep me from immersing myself in a few hours of dreamless sleep....

Hmmm....

You know, it's remarkable how similar life here is compared to where we all used to be... just as cold, just as dark.... Hardly any less light than you'd find looking out the window in a place like the City: too many lights to see the stars, and too many buildings to see the lights. And too many nights to ever really figure out whether it's lovely or horrid....

How nobody can see you... and you might find yourself cleansed in the black darkness... or you might find that it's only the world's shadow, used to cover your own....

...You might find yourself to truly be... "yourself." And, perhaps most frightening or comforting of all: you might find yourself not wanting for it to go away....

**exsuscito**

It appears that you long for something long since lost, Soluma. You're the Zion liaison, so could it perhaps be your humanity?

(OOC - Melancholy is always a good read, I enjoyed it)

Soluma

I lost my ability to have a completed humanity well before I was rescued by Zion. Reality or simulation, blue sky or green, it doesn't matter.

All I need is a good night's lucidity.

**exsuscito**

Soluma wrote:

All I need is a good night's lucidity.

Don't we all. I have to say this has endeared you to me somewhat.

Curses.

Soluma

My apologies. I'll try to be as despicable as I can in the future to avoid any further unnecessary inter-organizational sentimentality.

**Twaggy**

Well another one eh? heh. I look forward to meeting you, in battle and in peace; though I do believe mainly in battle my dear.

To your search for something lost, my dear you need to realise it is closer to you than you think; in my time of "freedom" I have worked along side Zion, moved to work with the Machines; then I joined the Exiles. As odd as it sounds, the Exiles feel more real and more complete to me than any other. Humanity lost it's way, Machines can only think logically... the Exiles...the Exiles choose their destiny just like Humanity once did. My point my dear, is that you never "lost" what you feel is missing, it's only changed to something else; great or worse? I can not answer that as that is something you must decide.

Watch out for my fists and feet dearest.

Twaggy

Captain of The Duke

The Causality

**exsuscito**

Haha, I appreciate that.

Soluma · 04/03/2007 04:11:36

"Another one"?... Oh, you must think I'm new. No, I've been around for a while. I've actually been busy training a new liaison officer, which could explain why I'm still awake at 0400 hours. Then again, why do I need to explain why I'm awake at 0400 hours? Not like it's unusual....

**Twaggy**

I see, well it's nice to know you have come out to "play". Anyway I must leave, your ever so "nice" friends, the toasters are trying to track my broadcast and I don't fancy having some squidies taking my craft. Oh how I bet you miss those don't you?

Twaggy

**PBlade**

It's hard, I know. But remember why we fight... If you can. It usually endears me, at least for a few more days at a time.

If you feel like just catching the breeze, Soluma, you know where to find me. Hell, bring the new Liaison if you want to, I'm looking forward to meeting them soon.

Chin up, Soluma. Times are hard, but our resolve is harder.

Shadow Griever

Sol, I know how you feel. God knows I do. I would look out of my apartment in Magog and look at the unblinking lights of the city, I felt that cold chill. I felt alone. I felt like the city would rise up and consume me darkness

And then something happened, and I lost a little bit more than my humanity in the process. Then I came here, to Zion, and I felt the same cold chill, I still felt alone. I could still see the consuming darkness rising.

It's a never ending battle, trying to escape the Shadow of the wold, trying to find your own Shadow.

I should know, all that's left of me is nothing but Shadow. Shadow of the one who died...

**TonyJaa**

so much melancholy.........

Soluma

Mmm... how funny that someone believes they know fully how someone else feels, when they doesn't even know what she feels....

But there is always a shared spectrum of experience in any life. It may, however, not align, but at least it has it's ends. One's greatest loss could be to another a mere inconvenience, but that other has endured something else as deeply damaging, or will at some time in their life. Another's greatest day could be a trivial occurence to someone else, yet they too have their own best day to think back on with fond memories.

All the while, we try in vain to replace something unique that no longer exists, and we try to return to a place in time that could never truly be enjoyed again.

Look at me, getting all philosophical. That's what happens when I don't sleep, or when I can't, late at night.

Ugh.... Headaches are no fun. And that's something you don't need a philosopher to tell you.

Shadow Griever

I did not say I knew fully how you feel. what you said in your previous transmission is similar to what I myself have experienced.

ByDesign_MxO

There is nothing wrong with searching Soluma, I believe in the act of doing so, we have the opportunity learn something of ourselves we may not have understood before the search began.

I can only speak to my own restlessness and say when it occurs I focus on it to find its source. I believe if I strive to know myself I may find the peace that my soul aches for. But I I harbor no illusions that what I may find could be something I didn't want in the first place but once found I can never be unfound.

If all else fails to calm you. I would simply suggest find that thing, a memory, smell, taste, an image, a feeling that makes you warm and safe whenever you encounter it and focus on it. Hold it tightly around you as if it was a blanket or shroud and for as much time as you can enjoy the calm, for these brief moments is all we can afford I feel.

We live is a dangerous world and share it with those would bring harm to those you would defend with your life.

Take solace when and were you can for our futures are not guaranteed and only through perseverance can humanity truly be given a chance to have a future.