Maeby stared at the remainder of her bar of soap that was supposed to last her another month. It’d been stupid of her to use as much as she did. Every inch of her was scrubbed raw and it still didn’t do anything for her. She didn’t really expect it too. But there was still that compulsion to try. She sighed as she wrapped it back up in the washcloth and put it away in the cabinet with her other bare necessities. She wouldn’t waste anymore. She clicked the cabinet shut and glanced over at the tiny reflective surface that had served the Eudai as a mirror. She looked half-healthy for once.

Funny. She was pretty sure she had never felt worse.

She made her way out of the washroom, flipping the light off behind her. She made her way down the corridor of the ship and climbed back up the hatch to the upper deck. She passed the medbay and stepped into the small kitchen, pouring herself a mug of something that resembled coffee but without the taste. She sat down at the table and considered her options. There really weren’t many.

She glanced in the general direction of the medbay. Their very last codebomb victim had expired a little over a week ago. It was expected but it still stung. She had dealt with her share of fried coppertops back in Zion before she even entered the field. On top of everything else, the reintroduction of codebomb tactics and a roomful of patients in agony was the last thing she needed on her plate. But at the same time it was almost a welcome distraction.

Maeby took another sip from her mug and got up to head to the communications deck. She wouldn’t sleep until she was off this ship.

~Maeby

Two Days Earlier...

~~~

The quarters aboard the Titan, apart from being slightly more cramped, were an exact match to the ones Maeby had just left back on the Eudai; a bunk low to the floor to make up for the low ceiling against one wall with a small locker adjacent to the foot of the bed. Now that Maeby took a long hard look at it, she was pretty sure the Zion holding cell had been roomier. She set the boot she had been shining aside on top of her locker and crossed her arms looking rather distastefully at the bed. She was exhausted there was no doubt about it. There hadn’t been one minute of rest since she set foot on the ship almost thirty hours ago. Qui needed medical attention and after that there was Braie who didn’t seem to take too kindly to sedatives. Not that the young doctor blamed the girl. Still…a sleeping aid sounded positively wonderful right now.

Maeby reached into her pocket to take out a small silver case. She flipped it open and looked down at its contents. It contained a number of small pale robin egg blue tablets. She gave a deep sigh and narrowed her eyes. It was getting to the point where she felt like she was about to fall over. But she knew she wouldn’t sleep. Closing her eyes, she took the pill in between the pads of her fingers and placed it on her tongue. After a second of thought she did the same with a second before stashing the case in her locker behind her and swallowing.

She hit the main light switch and undressed before pulling the sheets away and slipping underneath them. Reaching back over her shoulder, she flipped on a small LED light as she found a comfortable position. She grabbed the first medical file in the rather short stack of remaining coppertops and opened it up to the first page. The girl’s name was Shaye. Maeby took a deep breath and read on.

~~~

Maeby could suddenly feel her weight sinking as darkness flooded her vision, not like that of unaware sleep. She took a breath and soon found that to be a mistake, a very dense liquid suddenly filling her lungs. She opened her eyes but everything was still only a dark red blur. She closed her mouth, trying to stop whatever it was from completely overtaking her. She kicked beneath her to try and find the surface but her head hit a glass barrier with hardly any pocket of air between it and whatever it was that she was surrounded in. She quickly brought her feet under her to find there was something solid down there as well. She stood up as best she could and pressed her lips to the glass above her bracing herself with her arms. She gurgled whatever it was in her mouth out until she could finally breath again.

She opened her eyes wide to stare at the glass above her. The only time she had felt anything remotely like this before was waking up in her pod. She tapped at the barrier with one of her fingers. But this wasn’t that… She took her few deep breaths and let her senses return to her. When she finally recognized the coppery taste that still lingered in her mouth. Panic flooded her senses again as her feet slipped out from under her. She suddenly submerged again and got a mouthful of the thick red substance. She tried to regain her footing but her limbs were trembling too much to get a hold of anything. She tried to kick upwards again but only succeeded in knocking her head on the glass. Everything was suddenly spotty and she could feel her beginning to leave herself. She screamed but there was nothing save for the weak stream of bubbles that left her throat, until there wasn’t any air left to expel. She kicked and screamed just a little bit less as she closed her eyes and felt that tug at her consciousness.

The cold harsh surroundings of the ship came back to her as she jerked awake, gasping for breath. The air suddenly filling her lungs brought much more than oxygen to her lungs. Relief flooded her as she let her weight sink back into the bed and closed her eyes, chest rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. Once she could feel her heartbeat return to normal, she slowly opened her eyes and glanced at the arched ceiling above her.

Something shifted next to her bed and she turned to see that she wasn’t alone.

Iota stood there looking down at her feet very intently, eyebrows knit together. Maeby’s eyes looked down at the pillow in her hands and noticed her tiny little fingernails nearly tearing through the lining. Maeby sat up as best she could without further scaring the girl. She turned her head away for a second to curse under her breath. She brought a hand to her forehead to push her bangs back as she looked back toward her visitor. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Neither one of them said anything. Maeby didn’t know why she expected the girl too. She hadn’t said anything or interacted with anyone since she came on the ship. She wondered why she was here now. She took a deep breath and shrugged a little, “Do you…need a glass of water?”

Iota looked up with those big brown eyes. They seemed to be the only thing alive on that stone face, and even then the light in them was very dim.

Maeby searched for an answer in her face but found none. She opened her mouth awkwardly and rummaged through her mind for other possible problems. “Do you have a headache?” No luck. “Are…are you cold? Do you need more blankets?” Iota sat motionless.

Maeby sighed a little and turned the light on above her head and moved to sit up more completely. It was as Maeby was sitting up that the little girl climbed up into bed with her. Maeby groaned a little and sat back down gently blocking the girl. “No no no no no…you can’t sleep he-…” The face that suddenly came over the girl’s face stopped the operative. It wasn’t just scared anymore, it was the look of being abandoned. 

Maeby sighed and brought two fingers up to rub her eyes as she tried to think this through. “Let me guess…you probably had a nightmare.” She let her hand drop as she looked down to the child next to her. The girl tucked her chin in to her chest which Maeby took to be a nod. She took a breath as she tried to find the words, “I…can’t make the monsters go away. You really…” She looked back into those eyes again and her sense left her. Images of the child in front of her, downing in her pod suddenly entered her mind. She couldn’t turn her away, “Alright… Just for tonight. Then you have to go back to your room tomorrow.”

Without saying anything, Iota simply rolled over on to her side and put her pillow under her head, inching back toward where Maeby had been sleeping. Maeby gently eased around the girl’s small form and reached a hand up to hit the light switch.

“Mm!” The operative looked down at the girl’s profile and took her hand back. Something similar to a smile crept on to her face. “Of course. We’ll leave the light on.” She wrapped one arm awkwardly around the girl and let her head rest on top of hers. They’d leave the light on. Just for tonight.

The blue capsule deep within Maeby's stomach burst into black. The wretched erupted and spilled its innards. Her eyelids were deadweights. Her mind compensated and she saw through its eye. The black spread all around her as it did within her. An expanse she had known but never seen rose on all sides. Scythe-shaped gargoyles; cackling silently. A vault of doom. Before her rose an infinity of a dozen steps to a bladed throne. Maeby did not know the edifice but her mind did. Her thoughts were intimately familiar with the blades that curved on either side of it. Twin pinpricks of red glared down upon Maeby from that high place.

She felt her weight sink into her feet as she was suddenly grounded in the strange dreamscape. She immediately closed her eyes and sighed. She was growing tired of the nightmares and games. She wasn't supposed to be this lucid.

The darkness at the center of the throne rose. It coalesced and swam until his pale visage, now all-too familiar, stepped from its midst. He took the steps one by one towards her. Vanil laughed almost jovially. If such were possible. "Why there you are. You just couldn't keep away, could you? I have something to show you."

Maeby's eyes turned back to him, a subdued fire in her eyes, "Don't act like I come here of my own accord..."

Oh but you do," Vanil replied as he strode past her. Black leather trailed behind him. As she turned to face him the Neverspace gave way to someplace else. Apothecarian scents mingled. Shadows danced along obsidian operating tables. "Come along girl," Vanil said. "You'll miss the big occasion..."

As unsettling as the darkness was, the strange transmutation it had undergone was even more so. Maeby felt something underneath her skin crawl as the space shifted. A shadow danced in her peripheral and she found herself nearly running to catch up with the Exile as he moved through the space. "What occasion?" 

Whispers nagged at Maeby's heels. Hands that were not there. They touched, brushed, crawled. "The birth, dear. The most wondrous gift of all." Vanil stopped before one of the obsidian slabs. It was the only one occupied. A female figure lay across it. Her bare body was slick with perspiration. A gaggle of attendants surrounded her. Their faces were hidden, swathed in black rags. "The gift of new life."

The doctor stopped at the foot of the slab and looked down at the girl, incomprehensive. There was something familiar about her. She studied the girl's features. "Who is she?"

Vanil laughed. He stood beside Maeby. "She's you, girl." And she was. Comprehension gave way to Maeby's own complexion. She pushed but did not cry out. It was a silent birthing. "At least, it looks that way, doesn't it," Vanil went on. The attendants chittered and clicked from behind their crude masks.

All of the color drained from her face at his words. She stared in horror at the woman. At herself. She meant to form words but they never left her throat. It couldn't be her.

“That's it," Vanil whispered to himself as the prone girl struggled. "Push." His fangs flashed in the dark. "Even if it kills you." And she did. Maeby's prone doppelganger pushed mutely. And she gave birth. Her nether regions shredded. Flesh and blood and bone ran down the sides of the slab. The foul red pulp pooled across the floor. A five year-old Iota had erupted from within the second Maeby. "It's a shame they weren't able to save the mother," Vanil said matter-of-factly, "but it's a small price to pay. Don't you think?" Iota looked up at Vanil and Maeby. The attendants clucked, excited. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"No..." The faint whisper barely left the girl's lips as she suddenly backed away from the slab only to stumble over the ones behind her. "She has nothing to do with this..."

Iota now sat behind Maeby. Her stick-legs dangled over the edge. The child was emaciated as she had been when Maeby had found her. "Nothing to do with this?" Vanil said. "That's not very matronly of you, girl." Iota looked at the two of them, her eyes big and hungry. "Look at the poor thing," Vanil hissed. "So thin. So pale. So... forgotten..." The Exile raised an arm. He slit his own wrist...

Without even thinking Maeby crossed in front of the exile and took the girl in her arms and carried her away from the Exile, trying to put as many obstacles between the two of them as she could. "She isn't yours!"

Vanil's wrist dribbled blood. "Oh, but that's where you are wrong, Maeby," he said. Iota had gone. Now Maeby carried her five year-old self in her arms. They had shared the same eyes. "A scion of false, cruel misery. Abandoned and forgotten." The attendants scattered. Vanil strode through their midst towards the two Maeby's. "A thing born of a phoenix that died but did not burn." The Exile's wounded wrist twitched. "She has always been mine."

Maeby looked at the girl in her arms and then back to the Exile. Her lip trembled, "No...I haven't abandoned her-" Maeby looked at the girl in her arms again as understanding dawned on her face. She looked back to the Exile and spoke with new found conviction. "I'm not yours..."

"Liar." Vanil's own blood pooled at his heels. "Why do you think you keep the child with you? For her?" The Exile reared his head and cackled. "No. You shelter no one but yourself. You can care for no one but yourself."

The Zionite dropped her gaze and took a couple deep breaths. Nostrils flaring, she suddenly spoke. "You're right. At least in part." Maeby put a hand to the child's head on her shoulder as she nearly spat her words, "But what about you?"

"Give me the ch-" Vanil paused and raised an eyebrow. "What about me? You would presume to judge me?"

Maeby raised her chin just a little and mustered all the courage she had, "What would you do for anyone? You hide in the shadows feeding on fear and pain. Your ambition benefits no one but yourself! And even then it might kill you."

"I'd wean a child with my blood," Vanil said, "rather than clutch it to my chest and let it die." 

"Poison runs through your veins..."

"It makes me stronger," the Exile spoke. "I have faced horrors you cannot begin to comprehend. With each I grow more powerful." He smiled. "You can't even save a child." He nodded towards the five year-old her. "You can't even save yourself."

Maeby studied his face for a second. She didn't understand it but she suddenly knew what to say. "Neither can you..."

Vanil blinked. "... what?"

Maeby hesitated a second, having lost what she had only a second ago. She took a deep breath not sure why she was saying what she was saying, "You can't save yourself."

Vanil sighed. "A pod of blood. Trapped. There's no escape. So now do our dreams become the same." He shook his head. "I saved myself once, Maeby. I don't need to do it again."

Maeby hoisted the child up on her hip a little bit and put a hand over her hair. She looked at the pool of blood at the Exile's feet, awkward in the silence. "What happens now?"

They returned to where they began. Alone. "I cannot decide that," Vanil replied as he began to trudge back up the obsidian stairs. "As long as you keep the child," he called back to Maeby, "you hide within yourself. I can offer you what you do not have but you make it difficult." His tone changed. "I thought you would have understood now."

His words stung. It didn't make any sense to the girl, that such words would hurt her so. But they did. She frowned and looked down at her feet. "She'll be brought to New Zion."

"That doesn't matter." Vanil returned to his seat. "Why do you think you dreamt what you did?" He shook his head. "Dream what you will Maeby. And pray that you do not see mine as I see yours..."

Maeby turned to look up at the throne but the neverspace shifted yet again out from under her and she suddenly felt her skin wrap back around her. She was back in her bunk, with an arm around Iota, the light still on. She frowned down at the girl by her side, wondering what to do with her.

They were a little more than a week outside of New Zion now. The Diluculo was back in the holding bay and Bindi was back in at least one sense of the word. The Titan made it’s way through the sewers as Maeby sat at the table a mug of warm liquid in her hand and various notices and dossiers in front of her. Lovable had been promoted to the rank of Captain and would be returning to the field with the Hovercraft Izanami. The name meant very little to Maeby but knowing her faction mate, she was sure it had some sort of Eastern influence. 

Her lips formed neither a smile nor a frown. Maeby was never very expressive but there was always that tension she carried with her in strange places that could give her away to the right person. But even that tension seemed misplaced now. Maeby enjoyed Lov’s presence moreso than the others that normally surrounded her. They had never spent a great deal of time together but it was as if every moment that they spent together was worth a year’s worth of moment’s spent with someone else. Maybe it was something to do with them both knowing Z. But then it seemed Lov had always avoided Maeby after that little fiasco.

There was still the matter of Iota. The obvious thing to do was to leave her with the other redpill refugee children back at New Zion. But she had seen those storehouses more times than she cared for. They were treated just fine by third country standards. But she wanted more for the girl. She didn’t want her to grow up alone.

She imagined Lov would have been ten times the mother she would have been. Besides. Iota didn’t want any part in Maeby’s life right now, whether the girl knew it or not.

"It's a shame they weren't able to save the mother…”

A shiver went down her spine and she brought the mug to her lips and sipped at the warm bitter liquid inside it. She wondered how long it would be before she became forfeit.

She set the mug down on the table harder than necessary and shook her head in an attempt to gain control over her own thoughts. There was no point dwelling on things that would only drive her mad. She brought Patricia’s file to the top. Braie was written in bold letters next to Patricia’s crossed off name. She was only a few pages into the file when a small squeak caught her attention. She looked over her shoulder to the doorway expectantly but could only make out a pair of toes poking out from the frame. Maeby’s features softened for a second but she didn’t smile. She looked back toward her files and found her place. She had read only two sentences before a small grunt interrupted her train of thought again. She forced her focus back to the paper and made it maybe a paragraph when she felt a sudden tug on the back of her shirt. 

She turned around again and looked down at the girl. It was hard not to imagine her covered in blood and pulp. Her brow furrowed as she turned back to her files, opening her mouth in an attempt to explain to the girl that she was trying to work when that sly pale little hand of hers tried to grab for her mug and nearly knocked it over. Maeby swore and caught it before it tipped over. “Christ, you can’t have that.” Typical of a child. To not eat anything put in front of her and then grab for the little bit of alcohol that was left in the world. She wasn’t going to let the girl do this to herself. She took the mug out of reach and crossed the room to pour it out. She grabbed a tin bowl out of the sink and rinsed it out before grabbing what little cold goop was leftover from breakfast. She only glanced back for a second but it was at just at the right second—call it instinct—when she could do something about the little girl that was about to run out of the room. She caught her in her arms and kept her there despite the whining and the protests. She closed the door and pressed something in the keypad at the side of it. A lockdown might’ve seemed a bit extreme but she could explain it later.

Pain suddenly shot up Maeby’s arm and she realized the girl was biting her. Call it instinct, Maeby slapped the child. Iota stopped fighting her then and just looked at her with those hazel eyes. Maeby stared back. Something settled in the air between them and Maeby returned to the counter and retrieved the goop setting it down on the table. Going back to the sink, she dished out a spoon and wiped it off on her pants as she marched back over to the table and nearly slammed it down.

She sat down on the far side of the table, opposite of Iota and the door.

“The world that was just stripped away from you was a lie. But in this world you need to eat to survive.” She took a breath and let her words sink in. She stole a glance back down at the files, “You’ve survived this far, by some miracle it would seem. Don’t waste that.” The girl looked at her, stubbornly.

“We normally give you guys a choice. A redpill or a bluepill…” Maeby was only saying things as they occurred to her, “Well that choice was stolen from you. Maybe you’re trying, somehow, to reject the decision made for you. But guess what? Rejecting that decision ends the game. You lose.” All poetry had left her and it was just a bleak truth, “Game over…” Maeby caught her breath and nearly choked on it. Something softened in her eyes and she let her gaze fall back down to the bowl of goop in front of her. “Is it worth it?”

A curse was on her lips but she pushed those thoughts away and focused on the girl in front of her. She suddenly knew what would grab her. She forced a sigh and sat back. “Maybe it isn’t… Maybe you’re just the type to give up. Maybe I’ve misjudged you.” She shook her head sadly and forced her eyes back toward the girl, “Perhaps you’re just not cut out for this life…” Maeby hated herself for saying it, but if it got the girl to eat then she’d take it for what it was worth.

Iota got up and crossed over to the table. A set expression on her face. Slowly, she got up on the bench and took the spoon in hand.

They would always take the bait.

"I had forgotten how primitive these ships of yours... if you could call them that... can be." The blood-eyes blinked at Maeby from the far bulkhead. Somewhere a snake hissed: engine vapors being vented. "Cavernous, cold, and barren." Click. Click. Click. Manicured nails drumming on pitted steel. "You must feel right at home, dear. Mustn’t you."

Maeby took that deep breath she always did when she realized she wasn't alone. It was a sort of bracing maneuver she had developed. She didn't even glance away from the medical supplies she had been sterilizing and sorting, "You certainly seemed to have carved out a nook..."

"Oh, it's my nook. But I didn't carve it." The Exile's sinewy body, encased in glossy black latex, melted into form. He strode towards her back; turned away from him. "Is someone ill?" Vanil asked. He nodded towards the surgical implements.

The doctor didn't respond right away. Her hand slowed as she ran the tool through the sanitizing cloth until she reached the tip, her eyebrows knit together. "Yes and no..." She put the implement off to the side on a small tray and picked up another out of the small sink.

"Pills, pills," Vanil went on. "Pills and cutting." Though Maeby did not look at him his voice drew closer. His boot heels clunked against the deck plating. "What a good doctor you are, my dear." The Exile laughed. "Such a good doctor..."

Maeby's lips pursed. Her tone was short. "Well that's just it. Pills act as a crutch. Surgery only works when something needs stitched up or something needs amputated. What we have on our hands, neither pills nor knives will-sh*t." Maeby had gotten careless with the tool in her hands. It was nothing serious but she reached for the cabinet with gaze and tape out of instinct anyway.

Vanil stood over her shoulder. He was not much taller than Maeby. Yet he always towered over her. "You should let me," he whispered. He sniffed. Only once.

Maeby's face contorted in disgust, "Like hell." She slammed the cabinet shut and sidestepped along the counter, once she realized how much he had moved in in the last few moments. She fumbled with the roll of gauze in one hand. Once she had wrapped it around her finger, she dropped the tape and knelt down to retrieve it.

"You're a pitiful liar, you know," Vanil went on. His accent slithered off a tongue that might have well split down the middle. He was right next to Maeby as she knelt. "I have killed a woman who thought herself a goddess. I have swum in a sea of bodies oblivious to their own, slow, constant liquidation. You fool no one but yourself." The Exile paused. Then he smiled his smile. "But what's this... ? You tremble when you least wish it." Vanil laughed again. "You don't fool yourself. Do you. Maeby."

Maeby snapped the tape around her finger and sat on her heels for a moment as his words sunk in. The corner of her lips curved into an expression that wasn't exactly a smile but seemed to hold some rueful appreciation for the irony of the situation, "It's simply a matter of principal... Nothing more really."

"Oh?" Vanil craned his neck. He grinned. "Is it a principle of yours to lie to a child? Is it a principle of yours to keep me all to yourself? Is it a principle of yours to cling to your enemy in a cold sweat?" The Exile's eyes narrowed. "Tell me, Maeby. What is it like to f**k an inhumane monster?"

"It's a principal to stare the inhumane monster in the face and not retreat!" She nearly screamed at first but evened out to a hurt afterthought. Jaw trembling, she still met his eyes. "Especially when they're doing their d*mn best to try and break you..."

"What is more maddening, Maeby? The fact that you enjoyed yourself?" Vanil's eyes flare behind his shades. "Or knowing you would do it again?"

Maeby let her head drop, eyes shut tight. She took deep breathes and tried to stop her body from shaking with little success. She could feel her cheeks burning and she didn't care. It was a few seconds before she realized she had been crying. And immediately following that realization, she fell sideways against the cabinet and started sobbing.

Maeby could feel the rubbery material of Vanil's glove as he placed his fingertips on her forehead. He said nothing. His expression was unreadable. The Exile did not comfort her. Nor did he salt the wound any more. Vanil merely knelt beside Maeby, his hand on her forehead, and let her say whatever she wanted. Do whatever she wished.

The wall was cold. And Maeby wasn't thinking. Ignoring the taste of snot on her lips, ignoring her heaving chest, ignoring the hair she normally kept up suddenly clinging to her tear-stained cheeks, she shifted her weight into the Exile's arms and let her head fall against his chest.

"You're not like them, Maeby." The Exile accommodated her. He ran a gloved finger through her hair. He was not warm but his chill is soothing in contrast to Maeby's own flush. "You are no more like them than I was."

It took her a moment to recall the capability of speech, "How did it not kill you?"

Vanil blinked. "It did." Maeby almost laughed in between sobs.

His hands rested upon Maeby's shoulders. "I'm not trying to break you, girl. You know I'm not trying to break you."

Her sudden fever lessened and while the tears continued, the sobs slowly dissipated. "You are...and you aren't..." She prayed he didn't push for the explanation and technicalities.

She could feel the Exile's hands twitch. Just barely. The barest hint of some distant torrential conflict. "They would break you," he finally said. He turned her face towards his own. "Reshape you, remake you," came the whisper. He extended his tongue until it reached her flesh. He tasted her tears. And then he began to lick them up. Slowly at first and then more enthusiastically.

Maeby's nose wrinkled, realizing what he was doing and not knowing how to respond at first. She closed her eyes again and simply relaxed, too exhausted to mind or care.

He finished and just let her lay there. Surgical tools scattered about the two of them. Cold and dirty and forgotten. The ship rumbled and hissed around them. "Sleep now," Vanil bade Maeby. "Waking up is tiring." When she awoke he would no longer be there. And yet he would be. For he had been inside of her. He was inside of her.

He was her.

-------------

As always this post was brought to you by the letter V and the letter M.

QuiDormit hobbled down the hallway to the medbay deep in thought. He stepped into the room while his mind bounded from thought to thought. He walked through the room gathering a few supplies before he went to check on those he had forced awake. Between his freight-train thoughts and the fact that this was a part of his daily routine, he failed to notice the prone form of his doctor lying on the ground. Failed to notice, that is, until he accidentally kicked her foot. Looking down, he was shocked to see Maeby curled up and asleep on the floor. He wondered how long she had been there, and gently tried to wake her.

"Maeby?" He gently placed his hand on her shoulder and tried to rouse her. "Maeby?" This time he spoke louder, but she still continued breathing evenly, obviously in a deep sleep. Scooping the girl up in his arms, he slowly carried her off toward the crew bunks.

The girl's head only half supported by her neck lolled in toward him until it fell. Jerking slightly, the girl stirred as an unsure voice mumbled something almost completely indistinguishable.

QuiDormit stopped and squinted at her as she finally moved. "Hey... You alright?"

The area around her eyes wrinkled up as she squinted up into his face, eyes unfocused. "Qui?" There was a delayed groan as Maeby's voice fell away into immediate disapproval. "You idiot, your stitches..."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "Seems like you're alright to me." He continued on to her crew quarters. She seemed small before, but in his arms, QuiDormit felt like the girl was tiny. "Don't worry about me. What were you doing in there?"

A small amount of tension had returned during the waking process, but she had already started relaxing again. Her head dropped back against him, "Sterilizing sh*t..."

Questioningly he raised an eyebrow. "You were out cold."

"Mm..." Maeby went completely still for a second before she shook her head maybe half an inch dismissively, "Probably dehydrated or something."

"Yeah. Or something." As they reached her quarters, QuiDormit spun sideways. "Can you get that?" he asked, motioning to the door with his shoulder.

Maeby's hand groped for the handle twice before she found it and turned counter-clockwise, letting the door swing in an inch. Her hand paused there for a second, "I think I'm good now..."

He wasn't fooled. "Nevertheless, I'm going to hang out here for a bit. 'Least 'til Bindi gets back." He spun around and gently nudged the doorway open with his shoulder.

He carried her over to her bunk and bent at the knees to lower her to the bed. Even though he easily held her weight, bending down to lay her on the bed hurt, and he grimaced as he did so.

Maeby's cheek twitched just a little as she made a noise in her throat. "Idiot...I'll probably have to sew you back up." There was the ghost of a smile on her face.

He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I'll drop you back on the cold medbay floor."

"You could've let me walk."

He sat on the corner of the bed near her feet. "Why bother?" He cracked a smile.

She nearly bolted upright. "Don't sit there!" Her tone changed dramatically but the sudden expression of panic was quickly trumped by that of pain. "Wow...that floor did bad things to my back."

QuiDormit was startled by the sudden change in the girl's demeanor, and he got up slowly. He tilted his head and opened his mouth to ask a question, but decided not to press her on her outburst yet. "Anything I can do for your back?"

The girl shook her head and eased herself back down on the bed. "Nothing a couple day's time won't fix..." She winced slightly as she nodded toward Qui's side. "How's your pain?"

He had forgotten all about his pain. "I'm fine. Maebs..." He made eye contact with her and searched for some clue in her eyes. "Are you OK?"

The girl's eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed as she turned her head toward the wall. "Fine. Just overworked." A second later nodded her head as if just remembering, "And dehydrated. Or something."

"Want me to get you some water?"

She took a moment to consider it, "Yeah. Water sounds great."

"Be right back." He headed to the mess hall to get her a tin of water and began to wonder what was bothering the girl. He decided that he wasn't going to leave her alone until someone came back from the Diluculo. He was certain that something was bothering Maeby, though he had no idea how he could help her. I'd better not press it, he finally decided. He returned to Maeby's room with a tin of water and handed it to her. "So, uh, where can I sit?"

Maeby took the water and winced, a little embarrassed. "Sorry I flipped..." She pushed herself back up and adjusted the pillow behind her so she was sitting back against the wall. She nodded back toward the end of the bed. "The bed's fine."

QuiDormit turned around and sat down at the foot of the bed again, trying to squeeze his large frame into the corner to give Maeby her space.

Maeby looked down at the tin of water in her hands and let her finger trace around the rim. She glanced back up at Qui, a puzzled expression on her face. "Did you want to talk about something?"

He didn't speak at first, unsure of what to say. Finally, deciding not to press her any more on her incident, he decided to talk about the newly awakened. "So we'll be at New Zion soon... Braie and Shaye will most likely go into care with New Zion Medical, but Iota... I don't know what to do with her. What do you think?"

Something softened in the girl's face, as she thought a second. "Well...I originally thought to pay Lov a visit and ask if she'd be willing to..." She left the thought unfinished. "But I have a few other people in mind. Mostly doctors or patients that I worked with before I went on active duty."

He nodded solemnly. "I would love to see her with a family, but... She needs someone with psychological experience, don't you think?"

"Most psychologists I've worked with are very intentional about not talking their patients home. She needs someone who can relate to her..."

"Yeah, that's what I meant..." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "She seems to like you."

Maeby's lips pulled into a smile for a second as she looked down at her lap, 
"Yeah...she's a sweet kid."

"It will be bittersweet to see them go." He turned and looked at Maeby. "I wonder how she'll take it. Leaving, I mean."

The smile faltered as she looked back over to Qui, "She'll manage. A ship's no place for a kid."

"Bindi said the same thing." He shrugged, then motioned to Maeby with his head. "So how are you feeling?"

"A little better." Maeby cocked her head to the side, "How's your side?"

QuiDormit smiled assuredly. "Oh, I'm alright. No worse than after a work out."

A strange smile came over her face and she nodded, "Right." The smile left and she took another sip of her water.

QuiDormit tried and failed to read her smile. Moving on he asked, "So how long are you planning on staying on the Titan?"

Maeby narrowed her eyes, studying Qui for a second before answering. "I don't know...I guess we don't exactly need two medics after we drop the coppertops off..."

"Yeah, I guess... Though I'll admit I'm getting used to having you around." He smiled genuinely at her. 

Maeby's lips drew into a smile that the rest of her face couldn't seem to match. She looked around the room for a second and then back to Qui. She held her head at an angle for a second, "I think I might try sleep again."

He wasn't quite sure he should leave her alone, but he also didn't want to encroach on her personal space. "Maebs, if you ever need anything, let me know." He stood up and stretched, careful not to put too much strain on his side.

"Yeah...I'll do that."

QuiDormit nodded and left the girl alone in her room. He said, "Sleep tight," and closed the door behind him.

Maeby sat down on the edge of her bunk and helped guide one of Iota’s frail little arms into the sleeve of a patched up jacket that Maeby had sewn together with medical supplies and old laundry.  Once both the girl’s arms were through she tugged on the front to pull it tight around her.  She was still frail, but some of the color had returned to her face and she seemed more present.  The glaze had left her eyes and she’d been eating regularly now.

“Will my hair grow back to be pretty like yours?”

Maeby froze for a second, immediately finding the girl’s eyes.  A small glow rose to her cheeks and she did her best to contain her smile as she turned her attention back to the buttons on the girl’s jacket.  “It’ll take time, but it’ll grow back.  What did your hair look like before?”

She watched as the girl paused a moment and held her palm out flat against her rib cage,  “Somewhere like that.  And brownish.”

The doctor gave a small smile and finished the last button.  She smiled at the girl and took the smaller hands in her own and held them, “Was it curly or straight?”

Iota bit her lip as the skin where her eyebrows would be furrowed.  She turned to look toward the main bay outside of Maeby’s cabin.  Fenshire and Qui—against Maeby’s wishes—had started unloading by the sounds of it.  The girl frowned but didn’t say anything.  Maeby’s own smile faltered as she gently shook the girl’s hands and tried to regain the eye contact she previously had.  “Hey…I know you like the ship.  But I’m going to make sure we find a home for you with people who will take care of you.”

“But I wanna stay here!”

The older woman gave a bittersweet smile as she sighed, “You can’t.  The ship is a dangerous place-”

“But you’re here!”

Maeby shook her head, “That doesn’t help.  You remember when we got attacked a couple weeks ago.  How you had to hide and I told you to cover your ears?  It’s like that all the time.  I can’t stop the bullets and the sentinels.”

Iota didn’t retort, but she was anything but resigned.  Maeby could tell very much from the look on her face that the girl did remember that night when they had run into the Merovingian ships.  Maeby lifted the girl’s chin up to look at her.  “You’re not safe anymore.  You weren’t really safe in the first place, but you were able to operate under the assumption that you were.  I’m going to find people to take care of you, but the person who can take care of you best is you.” 

The girl gave the doctor dubious look, “But I’m small.”

Maeby smiled down at the girl.  “So am I.”

The girl bit her lip a little and while she wasn’t intentional about it, Maeby noticed the corner of her mouth twitch just a little.  The older woman tilted her head to the side and smiled.  “You ready to go meet some of my old friends?”

“I guess.”

The doctor smiled and got up off the bunk, grabbing a small satchel full of personal belongings.  Knives around her waist, she grabbed the girl’s hand and walked out of her quarters and to the loading bay where Braie and Shaye were waiting.  She looked down at Iota as she absorbed the sight of the docks of New Zion.

“It’s big.”

Maeby smiled a little bit as she waved them all forward.  “Stay close.  It’s all too easy to get lost.”

The medical sector had been exactly as Maeby had left it. The patients had changed and some of the faces of the doctors were new. But the sense of home and the looming cloud of death and pain blended with the strange feeling of hope and life were always there. Maeby waited at the front desk, with the three female patients right behind her as the receptionist typed furiously into a couple keypads, eyes darting back and forth across the monitors in front of her. After putting a hand to her earpiece she turned to the Titan medic and smiled, “You’re all to report to exam room 4215. That’s floor five, block b.”

Maeby nodded a thanks and herded the girls into the elevator. She promptly pressed the button and the doors closed. Upon descent, the young blonde spoke up, “I don’t know about china doll and the pipsqueak here, but I’m perfectly healthy. This whole thing seems ridiculous.”

“It’s just a check up, Braie. It’s standard protocol for everyone, especially coppertops with your circumstances.”

The girl scoffed, “Especially? If it’s standard protocol for everyone then it applies to everyone. There are no ‘especially’s.”

“You didn’t experience a normal awakening.” Maeby’s expression remained solid as her head turned a little bit to look down at a nervous looking Iota. “Code bomb…survivors are required to undergo more extensive examination.” She shifted her gaze again and anticipated the girl’s protest, “And then if you so chose to enter the field, there are more tests followed by training followed by evaluations. This is just the start of it. Cooperation is key.”

They continued the rest of the descent in silence but Maeby was only too aware that Braie was studying her. Measuring her up. Qui had mentioned the girl was sinister. But Maeby saw that the girl was in pain and trying to grasp for control over her life anywhere she could get it. She wanted to let the girl have the space she needed to learn something but it didn’t take a genius to see that she made the other two nervous. The elevator stopped moving and he doors opened to a fork, two long hallways leading in either direction. Maeby adjusted the bag on her shoulder and headed down the right hallway, counting the numbers over the door as she walked. Two more hallways snaked to the right but they passed both until they came to a small nook on the left. The small area contained a waiting room of sorts with another desk clerk. Maeby walked up to the desk and cleared her throat, “Private Maeby reporting with three copptertops. I’d prefer them see Dr. Merril.”

The girl typed something into a keypad without looking up, “We don’t handle coppertops here.”

Maeby’s polite smile never left her face, “Ordinarily, yes. But I’d prefer they see Dr. Merril for their evaluation.” She waited patiently as the girl behind the desk looked up at her testily. A moment passed before she gave what could very well have passed as a polite sneer. Maeby only smiled, “You should have their names in your database. Shaye, Patricia, and Jane Doe “Iota”. They were just scheduled for an appointment in exam room 4215 at approximately…now.”

The woman behind the desk took a deep breath, her posture never changing. “Well then. Please take a seat. The doctor will call you when she’s ready for you.”

Maeby smiled and left the counter to have a seat against the wall.

Braie sat down across from Maeby with a raised eyebrow, “What was that all about?” 

Maeby gave a small shrug, “I don’t like doctors.”

Braie narrowed her eyes, “But she’s not-”

“I like them even less.”

It was late in the evening as Maeby made her way along the residential block to meet her old friend. It had been a long day of tests for the coppertops and while Shaye and Patricia were back at Zion medical, Iota had stayed with Maeby. The young doctor carried the girl against her chest with the girl’s head resting on her shoulder, sound asleep. She finally arrived at Law and Lov’s residence and adjusting Iota in her arms, she bent down and rapped her knuckles against the door. 

Lovable, fresh from making some adjustments to her at-home communications station, was a bit startled by the knocking. She was alone most of the day while Law worked the docks, and even with her being back on duty visits were rare. She stood up, wincing slightly, and looked through the peephole. To say she was stunned would have been a bit of an understatement. Still, she opened the door.

"Maeby..?" she said softly.

Maeby blew some stray bangs out of her face and smiled, "I know it's late..."

Lovable was about to answer, but suddenly she noticed the small child that Maeby carried in her arms. Her face, paler and more worn-down than in the Matrix, wore an expression of curious concern. "You can come in. Is... something wrong?"

The doctor followed her friend's gaze to the small person on her shoulder and her expression saddened a little, the smile never leaving her face. "Relatively speaking, things are well enough." She passed through the doorway into the room and turned back to look at Lovable, "This is one of the coppertops we picked up during Neoteny's...well…" She trailed off and boosted the girl up a little bit on her hip.

Closing her door, Lovable nodded slightly and ran a few fingers through her black hair, not wishing to think about her distaste for the operative. She approached closer, examining the child. "How is she doing?"

Maeby glanced around the small home and smiled a little, "Rather well actually. I wasn't sure at first but I think she'll make it."

Lovable couldn't help but return the smile. "That's really good." She was silent for a moment and chewed on her lower lip. "If you need to rest your arms, you can set her on my bed." She pointed to a cot off on the side wall, which was neatly kept along with the rest of her quarters.

Relief suddenly flooded the doctor's face as she uttered a thanks and crossed the room to gently set Iota down on the cot. She took great care not to wake her as she pulled up at the blankets and covered the girl. She took a moment there with the girl before returning to her old faction mate and taking a seat at the small table in the corner. "I've been with her over at Zion medical for the past couple of days. The whole ordeal has her pretty tuckered out."

"I'd imagine so," Lovable agreed, joining Maeby at the table. She folded her arms, leaning her elbows on the surface - mostly out of comfort, but also trying to contain the tic in her right arm. "I can imagine it's probably very destabilizing for her... in a way, I can understand that."

The doctor nodded. Her eyes went to Lov's arm but quickly went on to scan the rest of her, more consciously. "How have you been?"

Lovable shrugged. "Been okay, just trying to form my crew. So far it's just me, Daven and Berani. I'm not planning on leaving New Zion until I have some more people to help run Izzy." Lovable met her eyes, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. "How about you? It's.. been a while since we even talked."

Maeby gave a small shrug and leaned in on the table, "It has been a while, hasn't it?" She looked down on the table and raised an eyebrow. "Alright I guess. Pretty tired."

She nodded again, letting a silence permeate the room for a moment. "So.. what do you plan on doing with her?" She gestured to the child.

In all her exhaustion, Maeby laughed a little bit. "Actually, I originally thought to ask you if you felt up to being a Mom before I found out you were returning to the field."

Within a fraction of a second, Lovable's expression darkened, more prominently at Maeby's mention of being a 'mom.' She gulped audibly, trying to push aside her rising emotion, which still became evident by the shakiness in her voice. "Well.. I mean... I'm not leaving right away, and Law isn't coming with me..." she looked down. "I'm sure he'd like the company."

Lov's change in behavior couldn't have even escaped the dullest of doctors. Maeby's expression softened as she raised an eyebrow, "Lov?"

Tried as she could, Lovable couldn't contain the tic; her right hand begun to shake more visibly than before, when earlier it was a mild twitch every handful of seconds. Now it had graduated to a constant shivering, which she tried to suppress by shoving her hand underneath the table. Her face tightened a little before she attempted to resume her posture. "I'm fine.. it'll be fine. It'll pass..."

: Maeby nodded solemnly and looked back down at the table. The silence was thick in the air for an awkward moment. "Well...I have a few other people I'm going to meet with about taking care of her. A couple old patients and friends from when I work here at the center."

"Maeby... I..." Lovable wanted to tell her, but she couldn't bring the words forth in the way she wanted. "This.. I don't find this to be coincidence, is all." She seemed to gain a little more control, finally forcing herself to look at the other young woman.

The doctor watched the young girl intently, saying nothing but nodding silent encouragement for her to continue.

Lovable took a breath. "Earlier this year... I had a word with the Oracle... around the time I went on leave. There is.. something thats very wrong with me, that wasn't my doing... but she told me it was for a reason." She glanced at the sleeping child. "I think that little girl is the reason."

Maeby looked over her shoulder at the sleeping girl, furrowing her brows a little. She turned back to Lov and bit her lip. Forcing a smile, she smiled sympathetically and nodded at Lov. "Well...sleep on it. If you can."

Lovable nodded in acknowledgment, but still seemed to have an internal unrest. Her face conveyed a look of sad determination. "I think I should. It's the least I can do for you."

Maeby shook her head, "You wouldn't be doing it for me. You'd be doing it for her."

"Well, of course it's for her. But I also don't find it to be coincidence that -you're- the one that's here as opposed to someone else."

Maeby cocked her head to the side and looked at the other girl, puzzled.

"This is long overdue, but..." Lovable sighed again, knowing the day would come but nonetheless was not excited about it. ".. I owe you an apology. And an explanation, if you're willing to hear it. It's about Z..." The memory of her behavior irked her to this moment, and she wanted to finally put it to rest.

Understanding suddenly found it's way into Maeby's expression followed immediately by an awkward tension, "Oh, I don't think-..."

"I feel terrible about what happened. I'm not going to justify my actions, because no matter what my reasoning at the time was, it was still wrong. But I'd still like you to understand what was going on."

Maeby wore a pained expression on her face, "Lov, it doesn't matter. We weren't together. We haven't been since we were bluepills. Whatever you two did together, you don't have to answer to me about."

Lovable shifted in her seat, coming a little more loose in her speech; the twitch seemed to go back into recession. "Maybe, but still, I didn't know that. What happened between us... for the record, was nothing... very deep, for lack of better words." She gulped. "I was under the impression there was nothing between you two, but later he brought you up. After that, I couldn't even get myself to look at you. I was afraid that maybe... I'd hurt you in some way. But as I said, I had no idea of anything."

Maeby shook her head, "There wasn't anything between us." Maeby scoffed, "Besides, he left us both for that Chem harlot anyway."

Lovable finally found the energy to let off a snicker. "You've got a point."

Maeby paused a second and shook her head, rolling her eyes. "No. You don't owe me anything over that. That's no reason to take Iota in for me." She quickly corrected herself, "Not that you don't have your other reasons, I'm sure."

"Iota..?" She stood up, wincing slightly in pain. She walked over to her bed, she kneeled down next to the girl. "That's her name?"

Maeby turned in her seat and smiled a little as she watched Lov approach the girl. "We were unable to identify her bluepill information. I think they started calling her Iota on account of her small size."

Lovable took a moment to look over the girl, noting her size. He imagined herself as a small child as well, judging by her already slight stature. Lovable kept getting drawn to her face, sleeping peacefully on her bed. "She's a beautiful child," she said softly. Involuntarily Lovable rested her right hand on her own torso, her eyes seeming to glaze a little.

The doctor let the woman have her moment as she looked down towards the floor for a second, "Yeah...she's had a little bit of that effect on me as well."

Lovable smiled gently. "Children do have that effect." She turned her head to face Maeby, her eyes glistening slightly. "I'd really like to take her, if possible. That is if she wants to be here - it is ultimately up to her. I'll be sticking around New Zion for some time until I get a crew, and even then I may not leave unless I have to. And Law will always be here, he's staying on the docks."

Maeby nodded and smiled. "She has some follow up appointments later this week so we'll probably be staying over at medical for a while. Talk it over with Law and I'll be back later this week."

Lovable stood up, smiling a little herself. "I don't think he'd mind..." she trailed off, but finally said it. "This is the closest we'll get to having a child. I'm sure he'd jump at the chance."

Maeby's face turned solemn as she met Lov's eyes. "I had a feeling that was it..."

Lovable blinked a few times, holding back from breaking down with all her energy. "Yeah.. thanks to Deveroe, I can't." Her hand still rested on her lower torso, gripping at the fabric of her shirt. "Please though... keep that to yourself, not many people know besides Law and Daven. I might let Bindi know, but that's probably it."

Maeby nodded, "Of course..."

Lovable stretched her neck a little bit. "Thanks, I really appreciate it. Not exactly an easy thing to discuss." She looked back at the little girl. "How long do you suppose she'll be out?" she asked, finally smiling a bit.

Maeby let her head rest against her hand, propped up on the table. "If left undisturbed, I think she's out for the night. Sorry she kind of stole your cot. I was...reluctant to leave her back at Medical, by herself."

Lovable managed a chuckle. "It's okay, if she's comfortable there she can stay there."

The girl smiled, "You don't mind if we crash?"

She smiled genuinely. "Not at all. If anything... I'll take it as an opportunity to get to know her."

"It'll be like a sleep over."

"There you go," she agreed. "Then again, I've never exactly had one of those.. that I recall. So I'll let you be in charge of that."

A small chuckle. "We can skip the secret stories and the ouiji board I think. Truth be told, I'm pretty exhausted myself."

"Crash anywhere you can find room. Law and I will manage with just about anything."

Maeby slowly stood up and made her way over to the other woman, "Thanks Lov."

Lovable nodded, almost sage-like. "Anytime, Maeby. I'll be out here 'til Law gets back," she said, taking a seat back at her communication station to mess with some wiring. "Sleep well."

Maeby smiled, “You too.” Maeby watched Lov at the comms station for a second and then gently pulled back the covers on the bed. She sat down and quietly kicked her boots off and undid her gearbelt around her waist and set them both next to the satchel she had placed beside the bed earlier. Rolling over, she slid in under the covers and brought her form to mold around the tiny figurine already occupying the bed sound asleep. Facing the wall, she sighed a little and held the girl close to her, being careful not to wake her. It’d been a long day and sleep found her quickly.

“What does it do?”

Maeby’s lips turned up in what might technically be considered a smile. She sat with her legs crossed in the chair and shared focus with the machine that Iota had been referring to.

“It’s called a PET scan. It’s going to map images of your brain.”

The girl’s eyes grew wide. Maeby noticed and went on, “We won’t see what you’re thinking or anything like that. It’s kind of like a special x-ray machine. Except instead of seeing your bones, we’ll see your brain tissue. We want to make sure that there was no damage done when you were woken up.”

The girl frowned. Maeby let her take a moment to process. “What’s it like?”

The doctor took a deep breath. “Well…I suppose it can be kind of scary. The technology can kind of make a lot of noise when it’s taking pictures. And occasionally you might see a flashing light or hear a ticking noise. But it’s only part of how the machine works. Other than that, all you have to do is sit still. The more you stay in place, the better the pictures will turn out.” She watched the girl’s expression and added, “I’ve taken one before. I know it’s a little weird but I’ll be here the entire time.”

“Who gets to see the pictures?”

Maeby shook her head, corners of her mouth turned upwards, “Just me and a few of my friends who are also doctors. You can see them if you like.” She gave a short laugh and added, “The images make your brain tissue look kind of like a rainbow.”

The girl’s nose scrunched up and she giggled a little. “What?”

“Your brain isn’t really technicolor but it shows up that way on the computer.”

“Really?”

Maeby nodded, “Really.”

Iota looked down at her feet. “Was there anything wrong with your brain?”

The smile on Maeby’s face faded a little as she took the girl in her lap. “There’s something a little weird. But it’s not especially bad or dangerous. There’s just something a little…special about how mine works.”

The girl nodded and looked back down at her feet, “Oh.”

Maeby hugged the girl’s middle and rested her head gently on top of the girl’s smaller one. “So what did you think of my friend Lov, this morning?”

The girl shrugged, “She’s okay.”

It was then that the door opened and a tall black man and a small curly redheaded woman entered the room, both in labcoats and with clipboards in their hands. The woman spoke with a nasally voice, “Sorry we’re late. Ran into the Dragonlady in Sector 2.”

Maeby smiled, “Iota. This is Bonfire and Gack.”

She craned her neck to see the girl smiling meekly at the two of them, but biting her lip in the process. “You ready for your photoshoot?”

The girl hesitated a second but nodded as Maeby rested her arms at the girl’s sides and gave her slight encouragement off her lap.

“Alright kid. Up on the big scary slab.” Bonfire tossed her clipboard to the side and grabbed a big heavy looking blanket off the wall. Maeby got up and walked Iota over to the flat surface. She fit her hands underneath the girl’s arms and gave her a small boost up onto the rig. Once she laid down, Bonfire fitted the heavy cover over the girl’s little body and tucked it in as much as possible. “You like roller coasters?”

Iota shrugged and kind of shook her head.

“Well don’t worry. This is nothing like those.”

Maeby took hold of the girl’s hands and gave it a tight squeeze, looking down at her. “Just try and relax. What’s something you liked to do before you woke up?”

The girl thought a second. “I liked to color.”

Maeby smiled. “Close your eyes and color then.”

The girl took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and smiled a little. And with a small whir, the slab she was on moved back into the narrow cavity in the machine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FIFTEEN YEARS PRIOR

The small girl’s face screwed up. She could feel the cold sticky substance on her scalp where all the wired pieces of metal were attached to her. Her throat was dry, “What does it do?”

“It lets us monitor the activity in your brain while you sleep.”

The girl frowned, “But I don’t want you to know what’s in my dreams.”

The doctor simply chuckled as he swabbed more of the jelly substance onto her scalp with a q-tip. “No no. We don’t have the technology to know what you’re dreaming about. All we’ll see is a little line going up and down that lets us know if…” The doctor paused a second as he took the q-tip away. He sat back in his chair and seemed to think about it for a second. “Do you know how they monitor for earthquakes?”

The freckled girl shook her head.

“Well…they measure for vibrations in the earth. When there are no vibrations the line remains straight. When there are semi-normal vibrations the line moves up and down a little. And when an earthquake’s about to erupt…” The doctor made a violent up and down movement with his finger.

The girl raised an eyebrow and gave him a dubious look, “You’re checking for earthquakes in my brain?”

The doctor hesitated for a moment then shrugged, “In a sense. A kind of electrical earthquake.”

“I’m not a robot.”

The doctor chuckled again and let his head hang a second. “Of course you’re not. But believe it or not, we—as human beings—have electrical activity in our brains, even our fingers!” He put a finger to the girl’s nose and she recoiled and made a face.

She thought about it a second as the doctor pulled some of her hair back and attached another electrode. She hadn’t studied electricity in school yet. “And that’s why I fell asleep? Because I had an electrical earthquake in my brain?”

“A more appropriate term might be an electrical storm.”

“But wouldn’t that hurt?”

“Strangely enough, no. It doesn’t. Your mind processes pain and your mind wasn’t paying attention at the time.”

“Because of the earthquake?”

“Because of the earthquake.”

The doctor continued in silence for a few moments before finally fitting the last electrode to the girl’s scalp and rolling away in his chair and making a couple notes on his clipboard.

The girl shifted in her nightgown and hugged her knees. “What happens now?”

The doctor stood up and put his clipboard under his arm, a smile on his face. “Now you lay back while a technician comes in to run a series of tests. We’re going to use a strobe light at various intensities and monitor your reactions. We’re going to play a series of noises. Things like that. And then hopefully you’ll be relaxed enough to sleep.”

The girl gave the man an incredulous look, “You mean I’m supposed to be able to sleep with all these things on my head?”

The doctor’s brows came together as he smiled and put the cap back on his pen. “We would like you to try.” And with that he left. 

A younger man with glasses entered into the room and closed the door behind him, also with a clipboard. He sat down in the chair and put his clipboard down on the desk as he got a heavy piece of equipment out of the corner and put it on the desk next to the bed. “If you could lie down for me.”

The girl took a second to stretch her legs back out and lay down, making sure to pull the blankets up around her.

“Arms at your side, please.” She did as she was told and the doctor swung a light out, placing it about six inches above her face. “Alright then Jodi. My name is Dr. White. We’re going to be conducting a few tests. Tell me, how are you feeling today?” The click of a pen. Maeby could peripherally see him adjust the clipboard on the desk.

The girl hesitated. “These things are a little uncomfortable. Can I sit up?”

“I’m afraid you can’t." The doctor rolled away out of view for a second and the lights went off save for a small blue glow from behind the glass pane lining one side of the wall where a woman and the doctor were sitting behind a series of monitors. The sound of the wheels moving across the floor again. “Tell me Jodi. Do bright lights bother you much?”

“Not really.”

She could see a small glare off the doctor’s glasses. “Just sit back and relax then. This shouldn't hurt."

The cold leather upon her flesh. The gentle, affirming grip on the nape of her neck. It had been some time. And yet, in that moment, it seemed like it had been no time at all. "Miss me," came the whisper. It wasn't exactly a question. It was more of a statement.

She paused a moment, shoulders tense. Her eyes opened and darted around the room full of bunks for on call doctors that she had been shamelessly crashing in for the past couple days. "It's been a while."

"I have all the time in the world." Those fingers worked their way into her shoulders and between her wiry chords of muscle. "Time is superfluous. But, then, so are most things..."

Maeby's lips pursed as she shrugged him off and sat up. She wasn't going to be getting any of the sleep she desperately needed. She looked back at him over her shoulder, jaw set. "When do I become forfeit?"

Vanil tilted his head. "Why, whatever do you mean, dear?" he asked. He perched atop the mattress she had vacated like a misplaced gargoyle.

"Oh, don't play coy. One minute I'm transparent and the next you ask for clarification."

The Exile laughed some. He shrugged. "You already are forfeit. Just not to me."

She tried to ignore his reaction but the words still stuck. She looked down at her legs hanging off the side of the cot. "For now, maybe..."

"For now, Maeby?" he echoed. "You must prove your worth in order to deserve to exist? To live? Why?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"Then tell me Maeby." Vanil slithered towards her. "Show me as I have tried to show you."

She rolled her eyes, "And what is it you've tried to show me?"

He eyes her through his shades. "You've already answered that question twice. One answer is the truth and the other answer is the one you'll give me."

She paused a second then slowly raised her gaze to meet his, "An alternative lie disguised as truth to replace one that already exists..."

"I have done nothing," the pale Exile said. "You have done it yourself."

Maeby's expression turned into one of pure confusion, "What on earth are you talking about?"

"I am here because you allow it to be so. You enable me, and I say nothing you do not already know." He paused. He licked his lips. "You enable me," he repeated.

Maeby looked him squarely in the eye, complete disgust on her face, "No... Don't even think about pinning the responsibility of this all on me."

Vanil shrugged again. "You really have no idea what your kind has done."

Maeby scoffed. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again and shook her head, standing up. "Okay, this should be great. What exactly has my kind done?" She almost laughed for a second as she paced, "You know, all your sins completely aside for a second. In what way have humans offended you so personally?"

Vanil smiled. At first he watched her face as she paced. Then he moved on to her legs. "Oh, none of it offends me. I'm inoffendable." He crossed his legs and set both hands on his knee.

Maeby stopped, hand on her hip, and looked back at him. She asked again. "What have we done?"

"Let me tell you a story, Maeby. Once there was a man. Like you. He rose to prominance. Did and spoke only good things." Vanil crossed his legs the other way. "But, you see, he had come at an interesting time. A great war had just ended. There was finally peace. But the people..." The Exile shook his head. "The people didn't understand why they weren't happy. Why, why weren't they satisfied? They grew angry. Frustrated. And so they turned on that one man simply because he had done great things and they had not. They slept with their old enemy and so they needed a new enemy. A new monster. And they chose him. Because he was different than they were."

"He was different from them. And they killed him because he was different from them."

It took a second for Maeby to process it. When it clicked, she almost didn't believe it, "Jesus... did you just..." She couldn't even finish the thought. She did her best to compose herself, "That's why you hate us?"

"It was all for the best though, you see." Vanil smiled and stood up before her. "He was meant to die, you see. For him, death was only the beginning." His eyes flashed red behind his shades.

It wasn't a scoff but it wasn't exactly a laugh either. She rolled her eyes and scratched the back of her head. "And here I thought doctors had god complexes..."

"But you see," Vanil went on, "that is what your kind is content to make me. A god. A death god. One of moldering and rotting and decay." He shrugged. "It is only natural to find oneself in others. After all." One of his eyes suddenly widened while the other narrowed. "And not only the god of death..." He ran a tongue over his fangs and looked her over again.

Even the ghost of a rueful smile fled from her face. Her brows furrowed and she came dangerously close to biting her lip, "Don't..."

He did. "Why do I hate humans? Because they darkened the sky," Vanil said as he circled Maeby. "I'll never sunbathe again." He whispered in one of her ears. "I hate humans because they murder to save lives and save lives only to breed murderers." That wretchedly intoxicating scent was so close again now. "Humanity damned itself and goes on damning itself."

"You know, you were one of us too once." She nearly spat her words as she interupted him.

"Oh?" Vanil smiled. He stood behind her and leaned over her shoulder. "How do you know that?"

"I..." She rolle dher eyes and tried a second time, "I may have put in the research. I don't remember the exact source."

"Liar. You know exactly why you said that." He was close enough for her to notice the absence of his heartbeat.

She shook her head and turned to face him, "Why then?"

Vanil said nothing. His lips pulled back to reveal his glistening fangs. The Exile smiled and his leathers creaked. It was clear that he did not intend to leave her alone this night.

The girl glanced at the door just over his shoulder then back at the man between her and the exit.

He circled her like a spectral cobra. His black coat flowed behind him. "You asked when you become forfeit." The Exile snickered. "Let this answer serve as well as any."

She sighed. "It doesn't really answer my question."

"I'll make you a deal, girl. I'll answer your question. But you have to give me something 'I' want, yes?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "Dare I ask?"

Vanil shrugged behind Maeby. "That's the deal: if you want to learn about me you have to play by my rules."

She scoffed, "It never bores you? Always having the upper hand?"

"Who said it was about fun and games?" Vanil mimicked her gesture. "I've played games you can't even imagine."

"Games I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole."

Vanil reared his head and laughed. "Come, Maeby. I shall show you just how short ten feet really are..."

"Oh go back to hell!" The door was only a few yards away and she ran to escape through it.

He tripped her. Stuck out his foot and tripped her. "I'm impossibly fast, remember?" The Exile smiled as he stood over her.

"Oh shut up!" One hand balled into a fist as the other wiped the blood off her lip, "You don't even exist in this world..."

Vanil eyed the blood on her lip and smiled. "Allow me," he offered helpfully. And then it all became very familiar. Only this time there was no knife. And this time she was on the floor.

At first it sounded like a distant collection of mismatched syllables. Something abstract and faraway. They slowly started to take form. Whether it was a few minutes or an hour, the young girl on the floor didn’t know. It was her name. She could recognize that someone was saying her name. She opened one eye to see a mass of red curly hair leaning down next to her.

“Maebs. What happened? Maeby?” 

She could hear her old friend let out a sigh and mutter something about sleeping on the job. She smiled, just a little, “That’s what the room is for if I’m not mistaken.” She slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position and put a hand to her head.

Bonfire stood up a little and sat on the bunk behind her, a frown on her face. “I thought you had that stuff taken care of?”

Maeby shook her head, “No…it wasn’t that. I think I slipped on something or other.”

The older woman shrugged, unconvinced. “If that’s the story you’re sticking to.” The woman’s voice was completely nonchalant. “Your friend, Vaala…”

Maeby let out a sigh and made her way over to the bed opposite of Bonfire, “What about her?”

“She’s dead.”

Maeby didn’t say anything at first. She simply stared past the red headed mass opposite of her and thought about it. It would’ve been a lie to say that she was surprised but it had come much sooner than she had expected. “How?”

Bonfire put her hands in her pockets and shrugged. “She went missing sometime earlier this morning. Your operator was wheeled in here with a head injury. Your commander went after her and came back with her body just now. That’s all I really know about it. I’m sure your crew knows more.” Bonfire raised an eyebrow, “You don’t look all that surprised.”

Maeby shrugged and scratched the back of her neck, “She wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I suspected she might do something stupid.”

The woman across from her gave a half a chuckle but it mostly stayed in the back of her throat. “I can tell you’re really broken up about this.”

A shrug was all she could muster, “Well what are ya gonna do? She made a choice. A really stupid one.”

“Yeah…” She took her hands out of her pockets and slapped her legs as she stood up, “Well the kid’s released for now. She’s out in the lounge.”

Maeby gave a small nod, “Thanks.”

The older woman clicked her tongue again and winked, “Anytime. Take care of yourself, hon. It’d suck for you to ‘slip on something or other’ while jacked in.” And with that she left.