Facing reality

**ChloeAnn** · 03/14/2008 07:05:12

I've never really sat and looked at the water. It's the slow times in the Matrix where you sit and think. Think about the future... the past.. everything in between... It makes you want it to be nothing but a dream. One messed up dream. Knowing the truth can sometimes bring people to become monsters. I've seen so many people become insane because of this place. This.. nightmare. Some people just cant adapt.

Me? I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into insanity. I have all this built up anger inside of me.. yet some how, I've never felt calmer. It's all so clear to me now... Pain, suffering, denial, lies, betrayal.. everyone has them. No one is perfect..

I close my eyes as I look beyond the water, beyond the clouds... and I see my perfect escape in my mind. Just one place I love to go.. where I can be alone, where no one can bother me.. where I'm completely safe. There's nothing here but my imagination. I'm not ready to face the truth.. the pain.. I'm not ready to face it all.

This is my only escape...

(Thanks to zedakah for making this for me SMILEY<img src=

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Pyraci

("Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The truth is always worse for those who run from it. Lies never fix things.

moar plz)

**XElite**

((Really nice story and pic, Chloeh. T'is very insightful. I'm wondering if the landscape is almost totally pink because it's her favourite colour and is what she wants to see rather than what's actually there... her imagination. Hmm...))

Jaylin

((Mmm, almost totally. With blues and violets and oranges and yellows and hints of green... The hair and clothing on that are just impressive. I adore the writing too, gives interesting insight to the character and, mmm, Matrix rp as a whole, in a way.))

**ChloeAnn**

Your imagination can be filled with anything. It's your safe place. It's what you want to see... what you wanna feel.. it's an escape from reality. In my imagination... I see pink skies. Pink clouds... everything's a mixture of nice, beautiful, bright colors. Theres no pain, theres no worries.. all I can see is the skies, and the reflection of the clouds deeming down on the water.. it's so beautiful. So peaceful..

..but it starts to rain. The clouds begin to turn, and it's no longer pink.. they're dark, and gloomy. I open my eyes and the coldness hits me, and I gasp for air. I shut my eyes tight and try to go back, but nothing happens. I look around and all I see is darkness. This horrible place called... the real.

Imaginations can only happen every once in a while. We have to come back to reality. There's no more running now...

**GoDGiVeR**

Reality is when you know that that is as far as you go. You can't go back no more.

**ChloeAnn**

So, when you start to face reality, what happens then? I start to get a sick feeling deep inside my stomach. I start to remember what happened, and who brought me to this 'reality'. Let's start with the what...

I was young when my parents 'died' when I was 6. They were killed in a car accident, or so, thats what my brother said. He raised me up until I was 12, then he left me to fend for myself. He didn't care about me, or anyone but himself. I spent 5 years fending for myself. Doing things a young girl shouldn't do, working for people a young girl shouldn't do. I should of been in school, learning... but I was stuck in the world, trying to survive. I had always felt someone was watching me, and I wasn't sure who it was... until..

...When I was 17, I had a client at my nightly work shifts at Club Succubus. It was one of my favorite clubs.. so many pretty colors, but had a dark mysterious feel to it. This client had asked me out, and I couldn't refuse for some reason. We got into his car, and he took me to a rundown building in Camon Central. I had never been to that part of town before, and it looked abandoned. I started to feel uneasy, and I told him I wanted to go home. He said no. He took my hand and we started to go inside this building, working our way down the stairs. We walked past a few guys with guns, and they nodded and gave us clearance through. Once we got where we were going, they led me to a room with just one tall man standing there. The others left, and the guy turned around, and it was my brother. ...

**Croesis**

((Gorgeous image <3))

**Vesuveus**

Very nice descriptions and details.

**ChloeAnn**

I hadn't seen the bastard since he abandoned me last. I asked what he was doing, and why he brought me to him, and he said he had something he needed to tell me. I had heard about the Matrix, but I wasn't interested in the truth. As he started to explain, I started to cry. I didn't want to hear any of it. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me it was best for me to take the red pill. I said no. I told him I wanted the blue pill, and he told me I didn't have a choice. I turned around and opened the door, only to be caught by his stupid goons. Two grabbed me by my arms, as another held my head.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, Chloe. I can't stand to see you living your life like this. You'll have a better life. I promise." He had told me before shoving that stupid redpill down my throat. That was the worst thing I've ever had to experience. Waking up in a pod, and.. going through all that. It was horrible. The worst part.. he didn't even pick me up. He had abandoned me... again. Some random ship happened to be there, and they took me in, and took care of me. It took months for me to be able to speak again. I sat in my room and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Eventually they had landed the ship at a place that they called Zion, but I didn't want to know what that was. Eventually, I got up out of the crappy thing they called a bed, and made my way off the ship and stepped out to see. The guy who took care of me was there and he took my hand and showed me around. I hated the place. It was filthy, and it was filled with machines and weird looking stuff and it wasn't like this so called "Matrix".

My brother took me out of the only reality I'll ever know, but I've grown to get used to this.. 'real'. I always hated him for doing what he did to me. I'm glad that he's dead, but I don't hate him for doing what he did. I wouldn't be where I was if it wasn't for him, and I guess I should thank him for that. He's given me something I never really had before..

..Strength. The will to be strong. The will to survive.

**Sotirios**

(( Beautiful words and gorgeous image. Nicely done. ))

**ChloeAnn**

Trust. It's a hard thing to come by. Specially when you get put into this world, having everything taken away from you. It's hard to trust someone when you grew up alone. Theres only a few people I've trusted completely within this new world. Over the years, they came and went, and I stood still. I was a Merovingian for the longest time. I was happy there, and I was surrounded by people I trusted, but thing's aren't meant to stay that way, I guess. Things happened, and once again, everyone came and went.

I was going insane. After years of pretending I was okay, I needed to just go somewhere. I took a three month break, and I kept in contact with a very close friend I had made within the Cypherite organization. He was great. I decided enough was enough. I came back and I snuck off my ship with my two kids, and that's when ZRoe picked me up, and I became a Cypherite.

I had talked to these people before my break, and somehow these three people saw the real me before I even saw it for myself. Even when I was in Abaddon, I worked behind their backs, and I was sneaking off to talk to these pesky little Cypherites. Having small chats about their beliefs, and actually growing to trust these people. Believing their ways, not because they brainwashed me, but because I felt that they were right. I had decided for myself that they were, and I had taken enough time to join them. Many may not think Im a true Cypherite. I don't even know if I am or not, but I can tell you one thing... I have backed these people up countless time. I have became close friends with most of them, and I'll fight side by side with most of them, even if I don't have much trust in them. What keeps me fighting is the trust I have in certain people. So if theres one thing I can say I have... Its loyalty.

**NegativeEight**

((1 word, Brilliant))

**ChloeAnn**

There is one thing that has to happen in order for you to let go. You have to go through pain, and suffering, and heartache. You can choose not to, but who doesn't want to experience the love life? Well, if I had my choice, I'd erase it all, and forget every bit of it. Everything you think is real, turns out to be a lie. Everything that was once blue, is now grey, and dark and black. I often ask myself what my purpose here is anymore, and the more I think about it, the more I find no reason. My brightened days are now nothing but darkness. I can't see the light, and I don't think its anywhere near the future.

With that being said, I feel that it is best for me to step back from this place, and really think about what matters. The past is the past, and there is nothing I can do to change that, but I have control of what happens in the future, and I've got to make the best of it, no matter how down I get. I'll always remember this saying. "Everything happens for a reason." This is happening for a reason, and I'll find out where it's going to lead.

To my friends and the ones I love dearly.. you know who you are... I am not far away. I am reachable, and I will be around when needed. I need to stop hiding like a coward... its time to face my reality.