Oh I can't wait, can't to have a new playground to run around and do nothing in, broken promises and useless efforts. I've been nullified and it's not for a lack of trying, I sit here stabbing the keyboard with angry fingers trying to make sense of this growing seething rage and all that becomes clear is my desire to hurt, to maim to break.
You don't need to see it my way, I'm not closed minded, but open your damned eyes, you wretches, you leeches, you vermin, I'm sick of the people that detract and take away that vomit on the very thing I cherish, I wish to water this wilting flower with your blood, in my mind the words of so many fall uselessly to the floor amidst lack of effort and oversight of the gifts and power they've been given.
Perhaps you don't care, but there are armies that do - people under the radar who would sleigh for your positions, sleigh for your power, and you insipid greedy children who suckle from the beast until they are fat and useless and leave us with a twisted smile on your lips, oh how I wish suffering upon you - to have so carelessly spit in the faces of those who depend on you - who look up to you. Those of you who seek no power, no change but solace in the face of corruption complacency and uselessness, there are so few of you whom I respect, and the higher the chain goes, the less my respect comes, how I loathe this. How I loathe my love of this empty place - hours spent walking, wandering and worst of all hoping. Having hope that it will change.
Hope is the quintessential first step towards FAILURE - and that's something so many of you know about. Your open doors have lead to your down fall, your stupidity breeds more of it, and your lack of desire to change things, to disrupt things, to cause waves makes you pawns, makes you useless, expendable. Should you not rise to your job, you should not rise at all, but no this is far from your faults, consumers all the same, ones who looked for help then sought to be helpful - now fallen silent and grey.
The fault rests with the highers who preach that it's not their fault, and that we should change things, that we should put fourth the effort to change things, to do that which we can to aid them, something so many try and yet watch them - like snakes diffusing your arguments, sliding away from points they themselves don't change don't try don't answer, just slip out and away. How much fire burns my tongue as I rage, how easily I could spit flame in regards to the venom on their lips - at the tips of their fingers.
There won't be justice here, there won't be, and each and all of us have their breaking point, only so many shoves can be tolerated before one eventually realizes he'd rather go out as an excessive negative thinker then be surrounded by mindless masses with open mouths ready to fellate those whom seek to give us less and less - those that bray and beg and whine like the lap dogs they wish to be for any sign of favor- and better still to see them not get it - there is some satisfaction that comes from the uselessness above.
How unrequited my love is, yet how shared it is by so many, we are worshipers of a god that walks on us without knowing. No knowledge of it's power, it's worth it's abilities and it's responsibilities - and for this it's worth is nil, it pains me - makes me sick, the venom from them fills my fists and I seek to smash them, the slight sarcasms bottle the sheer rage that inevitably explodes forth ready to expose every flaw to attack every weakness, only to see the end lies in this monolithic entity that corrupts our homes, that ruins what we have and we stand and watch as were forced away, silenced, corrupted, reduced or watch our power fade our voices fall to deaf ears. Too long have we remained silent, and yet this changes nothing, this is an outlet for a fire that could burn for years, and has been burning for years.
How I regret this place, how easy it is to say that in spite of so much else, how tired I am of those that don't deserve it, don't recognize what they are doing and how impure how irrelevant they are. So many wonderful and amazing things in this place, none of which come from those above who taint it.
And she, a being of my affections, she has the ability to tell me I'm not better, how I care for her opinion but how wrong she is. We may pay to be here but some of us pay more then the fee on paper, and not all people are created equal, not all of us are deserving of the same treatment, and you all recognize it. Look to your strengths, compare them to those who have those weaknesses and ask yourselves if you deserve the same things in that department - has your mastery your skill - your work not entitled you to more?
Combat prowess or writing skill, masteries of your own craft - the ego's are all their, but egotism and self-knowledge are completely different. It's human nature, even machine those which can do more receive more. Those more apt, are more tested, those that are superior get treated better. It works that way in life, regardless of how we like to kid ourselves it doesn't.
So understand that this road some of us walk, and many have walked before leads to an end which many have already found, but it's been a long time coming, and there is always more on the horizon.
I've vented this way long enough for now. I pity this keyboard at the receiving end of my blows.
~Darminian
