A Tribute... To Mave

Chemuel · 02/12/2007 19:46:05

This is a Tribute to the Man who constantly lights up my life with unnecessary macros and a glaring inability to wear pants; Mave.
Tonight in Camon I came to the conclusion that "Mave" is just another incarnation of a currently famous man... Let the jokes commence.

Mave uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Mave’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Mave has sex with a man, it is not because he is *CENSORED*, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Mave can kill him and take it.

Mave once knifed someone so hard that his knife broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Mave doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Mave what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he stabs you in the face.

Mave only masturbates to pictures of Mave.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Mave instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he vowed to never wear pants.

Mave appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to throw a knife. When asked bout this "glitch," Mave replied, "That's no glitch."

Mave lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Mave was born, knife related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Mave sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Mave knifed the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

While PvPing, Mave brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by letting it gaze upon his man-briefs. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Mave knifed the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Mave giveth, and the good Mave, he taketh away.

Mave does not sleep. He waits.

Mave built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination.

As Oswald shot, Mave met all three bullets with his man-briefs, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Mave is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Mave.

Mave was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of Man-Briefs. Jesus wore them proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Mave omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of knife related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Mave smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Mave.

Mave does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no crotch behind Mave’s Man-Briefs. There is only another knife.

Mave once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Mave punted the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Mave--more than meets the eye, Mave--robot in disguise," and starred Mave as an MKT who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Mave is pain.

Mave is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Mave plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather knives to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Mave actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Mave himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Mave recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Mave used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Mave," and knifed him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Mave.

If you can see Mave, he can see you. If you can't see Mave, you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Mave took over.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Mave plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Mave. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Mave, who gave them a knife to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Mave.

God offered Mave the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for the MKT Tree.

When Mave was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he knifed the store so hard it became a KFC.

Mave drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. A duck's quack does not echo. Mave is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Mave once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Mave lost, he won in life by knifing Kasparov in the side of the face.

Mave’s knife is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Mave doesn't believe in Germany.

If you want a list of Mave’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Mave has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

When Mave’s wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a knife to the face and said, "Never question Mave."

Mave once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Mave doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Mave.

Ironically, Mave’s hidden talent is invisibility.

Mave eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Mave owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Mave invented a language that incorporates punting and knives. So next time Mave is kicking your *CENSORED*, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Mave invented water.

Mave went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Mave yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Mave accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Mave, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, Man-Brief rash, not wearing pants, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked in the crotch.

Mave is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Mave does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Mave knifed every tree in existence.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Mave can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his knives.

**Vanil**

We all have a little Mave in all of us.

...

...including Chuck Norris, it would seem.

~V

**Nicksie** · 02/12/2007 21:53:03

Yikes!! O_O

umm well *hugs* for Mave!

*runs away*

RedLynk

Mave = awesome sauce.

<3 Mave.

- RedLynk

Electrify

I don't know him but if someone is willing to go through the awesome effort and has the sheer balls of doing a Find and Replace All on the name Chuck Norris with Mave, he must be badass.

Oh yeah...and I lol'd.

Chemuel wrote:

Mave only masturbates to pictures of Mave.

RedLynk

This one seems the most realistic.

"If you can see Mave, he can see you. If you can't see Mave, you may be only seconds away from death."

- RedLynk

**Mave**

All I gotta say is *CENSORED*?!

It actually made my day when I saw it. Then I laughed at the contents of the thread. Good show Chem. Remind me to shower you with flowers more often.

I was actually alerted of this thread by RedLynk on xfire. I thought he was kidding....

BTW: Mave masterbates only to pictures of Mave is quite possibly the best one of the list. And the one RedLynk mentioned.

<3 Chemuel

**Orexis.**

Yay Mave!

He's teh awesomesauce for making TS just that much more hilarious when he's signed on it; and he's a pretty cool guy elsewhere, too.

SMILEY

**Archangel** · 02/13/2007 05:08:58

Chem...

You've created a monster.

**EDIT** Why does it keep posting when I'm in the middle of typing?

**Degu**

Forums has it's own AI?

**Aquatium.**

Mave is a great guy, cept he also plays WoW, so he loses points.

**Roukan**

Aquatium. wrote:

Mave is a great guy, cept he also plays WoW, so he loses points.

And you don't like tacos. So Mave still > you SMILEY

**MxO-PhanthomZtryker**

Roukan wrote:

Aquatium. wrote:

Mave is a great guy, cept he also plays WoW, so he loses points.
And you don't like tacos. So Mave still > you

No...

Mave > All

**Vanil**

WoW FTW.

~V

**Satta**

You forgot to add that Mave taught Christina Aguilera how to dance. I was there I am a witness and there is a video tape! LOL!!

P.S.Any rumors about what I might have done on that same night are just that, RUMORS! HEHE!